Entry 11 - Poornima Prashanth

• Situation 1 - @ Work Place

Background:

Imagine you are working in an IT firm. Your Job involves meeting with several customers along with your Boss. Your Boss is a good man and he is very supportive of your role and gives you a lot of space to grow. However he is not very good at receiving negative feedback.

Problem Statement:

In a recent customer interaction you have heard customer’s complain about your Boss’ bad body odour. They were saying that if they have to deal with it again they will consider stopping business. You overheard this conversation and were not given this feedback directly. How will you give this feedback to him such that the situation is corrected?

Answer:

Mandhu chedhu gaa untundhi ani evaru vesukoovadaaniki istapadaru. Kaanee adhee mandhuki paina sweet coating unte vesukuntaaru kadhaaa. Alaagee presentation is important in this type of situations. Nenu and boss casual gaa maatlaadukuntunappudu aayana gurinchi positive aspects annee present chesthaanu like he is very supportive, gives space and accepts views of team members while taking decisions, etc. Nemmadhigaa I’ll take out a perfume / deodorant and give him as a gift. I’ll tell him that I can’t tolerate and I feel bad if anybody talks bad about him and will slowly tell about the conversation that I happened to overhear from the customers. I’ll tell him that for that silly reason I don’t want the customer to think bad about my boss and that is the reason for my gift. I will make it clear that whatever the customer thinks about him I honor him and respect him as always (this is to keep his ‘EGO’ satisfied because he is not good at receiving negative feedback)

• Situation 2 - @ Home

Background:

You live in the same city as your in-laws and have recently bought a new home. This is your dream home and you have spent a little more than what you had planned to because this is a one-time investment and a few more thousands every month in mortgage was ok for this home. Now that the house is ready you have to consult your In-Laws (DH’s parents) for the house warming ceremony. Your in-laws are nice people and your relationship with them is cordial. (there are some grouses but that’s normal and nothing major).

Problem Statement:

At a dinner table your in-laws clarify that they want a GRAND house warming with all relatives – gifts and clothes in order. They have stated clearly that it has been a long time since they called any of their kith and kin and this is an opportune moment. You are totally shocked and upset because you want a simple home ceremony and want to minimize the cost of this event since you went overboard buying the house.

When you talk to you DH his comment is “Talk to them and convince if you can. I am ok either ways it will mean another personal loan but I would rather have a happy after math. Whatever you do I don’t want a fight in the family and want a happy situation so I leave it to you. Either adjust or convince. I will be neutral.”

What will you do – Agree to them or convince them and how?

Answer:

I’ll have a word with my DH in advance to help me give a try to minimize the house warming expenses. Then at the same dinner table a few days later I’ll start a conversation with DH about the income we are getting, the EMIs we are paying monthly, other monthly expenses of the household, etc. as a casual talk. In-laws will also hear the same as they will be present at the table. I’ll also discuss about the house warming ceremony expenses as per the in-laws requirements. Will mention about how many gifts we need to buy where to buy and all so that they will think that I and DH are going to accommodate all their requirements. I will clearly tell out the figures of incomes and expenses and the negative budget that’s going to result. (During the whole conversation I and DH are only going to discuss but we are not going to directly talk to in-laws). Then will ask DH about how we are going to get money to get the budget on track, when DH mentions about personal loan I will talk about that EMIs as well. Will make it clear that to pay those additional EMIs we might have to cut down the entertainment expenses, in-laws trips to relatives in other towns, etc. in the coming months. Then will turn to in-laws and ask them if everything is sounding nice and good. If they are sensible enough and understand the burden their son has on his shoulders then they will suggest on cutting down the house warming expenses.

(I gave this solution on the assumption that the in-laws in this problem are nice and sensible, they react to their son’s troubles and discomforts).

• Situation 3 - @Work Place

Background:

Imagine you are a manager with 2 people reporting to you. Both of them have their unique strengths and need to work together to get the required result for you and the department. There are no other people with similar skills in your organization.

Problem Statement:

These two people could set a meeting to fire with their spats. They DO NOT get along well at all and a majority of you time is getting wasted addressing their interpersonal issues. Initially you thought these are small personality differences, but now its impacting your deliverables and putting your department in RED. You have to find a solution to this and ensure the tasks are completed on time. At the same time remember that it is not easy to find a replacement so it’s important to make them both feel important.

How will you solve this situation?

Answer:

Sometimes even though it is not good and correct if the situation demands then we have to use the “Divide and rule” policy. The two employees don’t have a good relation so there are no chances of them discussing about their meetings with me. Satisfying their EGOs might do the trick here. So I’ll have two separate meetings with each of them. In those meetings I’ll highlight their strengths and unique traits that they only possess which are very much required for the project we are working on. I’ll make them feel important but at the same time I’ll emphasize on the importance of teamwork, professionalism that needs to be present when working in a demanding environment. I’ll make it clear that interpersonal issues should not impact the deliverables. I’ll tell them that they can approach me about any issues anytime but should not impact the work and deliverables. With renewed EGO boosters they both will feel important than each other and will not disturb each other at least for few days. Instead of wasting number of hours daily in solving their interpersonal issues if I schedule these meetings once or twice a week I guess the situation will be in control.

• Situation 4 - @Friend Circle

Background:

You and X are very good friends. Our husbands are colelagues and You got married at the same time and met as their wives. You have become good friends over these years. Your children are both 3 months apart and are 4 years old. You are really family friends and have known each other for the past 5-6 years now. You both have 1 boy each. The children play and study together.

Problem Statement:

Of late you have observed that X criticizes your son whenever you and she are alone with the kids. When your DHs are around she is very sweet and is complementing him but when you are alone and the kids are playing she is spitting a list of negatives about your child (when he is around). Initially you didn’t mind it since you consider her a foster mom. But you have started seeing you child becoming reserved and losing his spark in her presence.

Your DH has told you – “This is a matter between the women. I cannot fight with X’s husband for it. It will be silly. So find a way to discuss with her and solve it.”

PS: As a family you people are very close and cannot avoid X. You don’t want to break your friendship. But you have to correct this situation. How will you solve this situation?

Answer:

Asking directly about X’s behavior or her negative approach towards my kid might make her feel bad and might ruin the friendship. I’ll create a fictitious situation and fictitious characters of two friends and talk about how their friendship ruined because of differences in their attitudes towards each other’s kids. If she still continues the same behavior later also next time when the kids and we are around without our husband’s with us and when she starts talking negatives about my little one I’ll tell her that not only my kid but all kids are like that. Will tell her that we have to try and rectify those negative things with patience but commenting and criticizing them on their face will not help in their development. I’ll ask her to tell me if there are any negative aspects in the little one to me separately when he is not around so that I can work with him and correct them. I’ll also tell that I want my son as well as her son to be happy. If one suffers anything like this that will impact the other child also as they spend a lot of time together in play and studies. During all this time I’ll treat her son as sweet as I always treat him but will not resort to the way she is treating my son because kids are sensitive and we should not use them as a weapon for whatever reason be it.

• Situation 5 - @A Party (Social Circle)

Background:

You are at a party with some common friends. One particular lady is envious of your dress and has made it obvious that you are looking unexpectedly pretty. You are secretly happy because this is your precious find and your love your dress (it’s a SALWAR SUIT) with all the heavy work.

Problem Statement:

As a part of the party dinner this lady accidentally spills SAMBAR on your dress. She apologizes profusely but you feel it was intentional. When you look around you don’t find another lady with your height and weight so chances of a dress change are remote. Your house is 2 hrs drive away.

How will you live through the party? How will you fix this jealous lady for this embarrassment caused to you?

Answer:

Even in an embarrassing situation like this also I’ll see to it that my smile doesn’t fade from my face. Carrying ourselves in a dignified manner in such type situations talks a lot about what we are. As fast as I can I will wash the dress before it stains. Generally I have a on the go stain remover in my bag for such type of mishaps. If the party is in a restaurant I’ll use the hand dryer to dry the dress and if the party is in my friend’s house I will borrow her hair dryer and dry my dress. If anybody asks about it I will take the ladies name and will mention explicitly that she hasn’t done it intentionally but it just happened accidentally. If I keep on telling the same story with that sweet and cute smile of mine to whoever asks me, obviously that lady will be more jealous but will not be in a position to do anything or to talk anything except for apologizing again and again. Just as part of fun talk I’ll ask her to buy me a new suit for whatever has happened. People around will support me as I’m the one who got impacted and as a result the envious lady cannot enjoy the party at the same time she cannot leave the party also. Getting serious and yelling at people will not make any good but will ruin our own dignity in the party so I’ll keep cool and enjoy the rest of party.