Entry 7 - Renuka Kuchipudi - Third Place

• Situation 1 - @ Work Place

Background:

Imagine you are working in an IT firm. Your Job involves meeting with several customers along with your Boss. Your Boss is a good man and he is very supportive of your role and gives you a lot of space to grow. However he is not very good at receiving negative feedback.

Problem Statement:

In a recent customer interaction you have heard customer’s complain about your Boss’ bad body odour. They were saying that if they have to deal with it again they will consider stopping business. You overheard this conversation and were not given this feedback directly. How will you give this feedback to him such that the situation is corrected?

Answer:

When I sit with him in a general discussion, I bring up the discussion about this customer. I start with all remaining stuff like how he behaves, how he takes up things, how he reacts and everything. And in the middle I casually say that this customer is very particular about bad body odour and I would also say that I overheard his discussion with someone about how much he is irritated about someone else’s body odour and hence thinking on lines of stopping business unable to tolerate it further. I make sure that i do not end the conversation here, but go on with other general stuff. I remember to remind him before next visit to this customer that I (myself) am taking good care to eliminate any possible body odour during the visit.

This way I’m communicating customer’s intolerance for the bad body odour.

I’m communicating him that it can even affect business.

I’m communicating him that I’m taking good care of body odour, so he gets the implicit message and takes care of it.

I’m not hurting him nor passing on direct negative feedback. Just the message is communicated.

• Situation 2 - @ Home

Background:

You live in the same city as your in-laws and have recently bought a new home. This is your dream home and you have spent a little more than what you had planned to because this is a one-time investment and a few more thousands every month in mortgage was ok for this home. Now that the house is ready you have to consult your In-Laws (DH’s parents) for the house warming ceremony. Your in-laws are nice people and your relationship with them is cordial. (there are some grouses but that’s normal and nothing major).

Problem Statement:

At a dinner table your in-laws clarify that they want a GRAND house warming with all relatives – gifts and clothes in order. They have stated clearly that it has been a long time since they called any of their kith and kin and this is an opportune moment. You are totally shocked and upset because you want a simple home ceremony and want to minimize the cost of this event since you went overboard buying the house.

When you talk to you DH his comment is “Talk to them and convince if you can. I am ok either ways it will mean another personal loan but I would rather have a happy after math. Whatever you do I don’t want a fight in the family and want a happy situation so I leave it to you. Either adjust or convince. I will be neutral.”

What will you do – Agree to them or convince them and how?

Answer:

I will let my inlaws know about the financials through general means, but not as an answer to their opinion. And as I asked my husband, I will also ask them if it’s really important to go for this grand function despite all the financial tensions. After all they are our family members and they too are concerned if their son goes into troubles just because the function had to be grand. If they understand, its great, we go for simple function, but I make sure to satisfy them with a little bit of stretching by offering clothes to very close members, involving them in planning and with little other things that are not overburden on financials.

If they insist that we have a grand function, yes.., I do accept for grand function but I make sure that the message of we going for the grand function is just to satisfy our inlaws though that’s not our plan and a overburden. Here too I make the planning with inlaws together and try different combinations like, function+clothes or function+gifts or function+clothes only for close family members, etc which help reduce the cost to an extent.

Here I’m considering their opinion; I’m working out on a middle way;

While going for grand function, I try ways to reduce the cost to be able to balance financials

While going for simple function, I stretch a little to satisfy in laws, because as though they accepted for simple, grand function was their idea.

Over all, if I give up, I try to satisfy myself by controlling the cost. If they give up, I try satisfying them by extending budget beyond the very simple function cost.

• Situation 3 - @Work Place

Background:

Imagine you are a manager with 2 people reporting to you. Both of them have their unique strengths and need to work together to get the required result for you and the department. There are no other people with similar skills in your organization.

Problem Statement:

These two people could set a meeting to fire with their spats. They DO NOT get along well at all and a majority of you time is getting wasted addressing their interpersonal issues. Initially you thought these are small personality differences, but now its impacting your deliverables and putting your department in RED. You have to find a solution to this and ensure the tasks are completed on time. At the same time remember that it is not easy to find a replacement so it’s important to make them both feel important.

How will you solve this situation?

Answer:

I call both of them for a meeting, show them the impact of their interpersonal issues. I do not tag anyone for the mishaps, but will make it clear that we as a department are behind because of petty issues. I ask them what the problems are….not individually, but when both are present. Listen to them, take their opinions and address should there be a need. I demark the responsibilities clearly and assign deadlines for each of the task. Should there be a task which needs both of them to carry out, I try to further divide it into two pieces and assign them as per their strengths. If it’s not possible, I give them much earlier date and make sure that I review the progress interim. As soon as I hear a complaint from one team member, I listen and I make sure to call the other team member also into the room(while the first one is still there) to get the point clarified and to avoid any communication gap.

This way, I’m assigning responsibilities to both of them and making them feel important.

It further leads into healthy competition where in each of them tries to do best in the given task.

Versions can be manipulated when the other person is not around, hence I listen to them individually and also when both of them are present. This way I am making the point clear for both of them that they cannot get along with manipulated versions. Better concentrate on job.

• Situation 4 - @Friend Circle

Background:

You and X are very good friends. Our husbands are colelagues and You got married at the same time and met as their wives. You have become good friends over these years. Your children are both 3 months apart and are 4 years old. You are really family friends and have known each other for the past 5-6 years now. You both have 1 boy each. The children play and study together.

Problem Statement:

Of late you have observed that X criticizes your son whenever you and she are alone with the kids. When your DHs are around she is very sweet and is complementing him but when you are alone and the kids are playing she is spitting a list of negatives about your child (when he is around). Initially you didn’t mind it since you consider her a foster mom. But you have started seeing you child becoming reserved and losing his spark in her presence.

Your DH has told you – “This is a matter between the women. I cannot fight with X’s husband for it. It will be silly. So find a way to discuss with her and solve it.”

PS: As a family you people are very close and cannot avoid X. You don’t want to break your friendship. But you have to correct this situation. How will you solve this situation?

Answer:

Its simple and straight. Whenever I hear X talking negative about my child, I make sure that I interrupt nicely and say, No…he is not like that and start listing out his strengths. I also make sure that I’m talking about her son’s strengths as well as and when necessary. When I can’t say NO…like for complaints that he jumps a lot, can’t sit at one place for a while…I reply telling oh..ya…he is hyperactive and support it with reasoning that they do good as they grow up. I also see if there is something where my son needs to change….like he is not washing hands before meals…if so, I make sure that I cultivate those habits. Despite all this, if she still continues to criticize for petty things, I simply smile, I take my kid close to me right at the moment, give him a big hug and say “na bangaram J”. Enough to keep her to embarrassment.

This way, I’m fair in all means. I’m neither criticizing nor undermining her kid. I’m demonstrating how to behave with kids and their acts.

I’m not letting my kid feel inferior as I was supporting him whenever is needed.

I’m letting her know that I’m not taken a back with her criticism (real intention is to make me hurt, coz she does it whenever I’m alone with the kid) and I love him and happy with him for whatever he is.

• Situation 5 - @A Party (Social Circle)

Background:

You are at a party with some common friends. One particular lady is envious of your dress and has made it obvious that you are looking unexpectedly pretty. You are secretly happy because this is your precious find and your love your dress (it’s a SALWAR SUIT) with all the heavy work.

Problem Statement:

As a part of the party dinner this lady accidentally spills SAMBAR on your dress. She apologizes profusely but you feel it was intentional. When you look around you don’t find another lady with your height and weight so chances of a dress change are remote. Your house is 2 hrs drive away.

How will you live through the party? How will you fix this jealous lady for this embarrassment caused to you?

Answer:

If it can be wiped off with regular water, I do it. I ask for her help in the process. I go along with her and keep her as a company till the time the water stains on dress are dried out. During which I talk about how much I love the dress.

If it cannot be wiped off (I feel the sambar stains can be wiped off if dealt immediately), the other choice again is to take her along with me to buy a new dress in near by store and wear.

Be it accidentally/intentionally, I feel we cannot do anything with it. BTW, aren’t we supposed to leave home as the dinner is already over?