Entry 16 - Jalaja Rani Boppana

Situation 1 - @ Work Place
Background:
Imagine you are working in an IT firm. Your Job involves meeting with several customers along with your Boss. Your Boss is a good man and he is very supportive of your role and gives you a lot of space to grow. However he is not very good at receiving negative feedback.
Problem Statement:
In a recent customer interaction you have heard customer’s complain about your Boss’ bad body odour. They were saying that if they have to deal with it again they will consider stopping business. You overheard this conversation and were not given this feedback directly. How will you give this feedback to him such that the situation is corrected?

Answer:

In a conversation, I will bring the topic about the new deodorant in market and will talk about the positive effects (like describing about the brand, fragrance)of trying the deodorant and will try to influence him about that product. I would say that my friends tried it and they liked it, you must try it too. It adds up to your confidence and brings a great feel. I will say if you try it, Your wife will be impressed too.
Organizers Feedback: Not all men in general are comfortable discussing such lady-like topics. Unless in a general context you will end up making a non-fruitful conversation. Also never bring his wife into office context unless you know her personally.

Situation 2 - @ Home

Background:
You live in the same city as your in-laws and have recently bought a new home. This is your dream home and you have spent a little more than what you had planned to because this is a one-time investment and a few more thousands every month in mortgage was ok for this home. Now that the house is ready you have to consult your In-Laws (DH’s parents) for the house warming ceremony. Your in-laws are nice people and your relationship with them is cordial. (there are some grouses but that’s normal and nothing major).

Problem Statement:
At a dinner table your in-laws clarify that they want a GRAND house warming with all relatives – gifts and clothes in order. They have stated clearly that it has been a long time since they called any of their kith and kin and this is an opportune moment. You are totally shocked and upset because you want a simple home ceremony and want to minimize the cost of this event since you went overboard buying the house.

When you talk to you DH his comment is “Talk to them and convince if you can. I am ok either ways it will mean another personal loan but I would rather have a happy after math. Whatever you do I don’t want a fight in the family and want a happy situation so I leave it to you. Either adjust or convince. I will be neutral.”

What will you do – Agree to them or convince them and how?
Answer:

I will try to convince them to reduce the cost for housewarming. I know that it’s been a while since we had all the family and friends together, but since this was our dream home we had to spend a little bit more than we have planned for since it’s one time investment and now if we have to spend more money on housewarming and party, all the money from our pocket goes to the mortgage and loan for the party and there won’t be any savings later. I think we should just do housewarming with near and dear ones and invite all the family and friends at a later time once we have settled in the house and after furnishing the house. I don’t want to disappoint you now but I feel this is the best decision at this moment when it comes to money spending. Give it a thought.
Organizers Feedback: This answer has been dealt with well. All problems have been stated and you have shown respect and their position has been retained.

Situation 3 - @Work Place

Background:
Imagine you are a manager with 2 people reporting to you. Both of them have their unique strengths and need to work together to get the required result for you and the department. There are no other people with similar skills in your organization.

Problem Statement:
These two people could set a meeting to fire with their spats. They DO NOT get along well at all and a majority of you time is getting wasted addressing their interpersonal issues. Initially you thought these are small personality differences, but now its impacting your deliverables and putting your department in RED. You have to find a solution to this and ensure the tasks are completed on time. At the same time remember that it is not easy to find a replacement so it’s important to make them both feel important.

How will you solve this situation?

Answer:

Since I know that both of them have unique strengths and work best within the department, I will have separate meetings with them and find out their interests about this particular project and will distribute the work equally among them and ask them to finish the tasks on time. Once they have completed their assigned tasks, I will setup a meeting and go over the tasks they have accomplished and talk about each person’s strengths and ask them to work on integration if need be. This makes the project delivered on time.
Organizers Feedback: The solution is very task specific rather than the conflict. Since it doesn't probe into the condition of conflict such solutions work at the periphery but the quality of work suffers.

Situation 4 - @Friend Circle

Background:
You and X are very good friends. Our husbands are colleagues and You got married at the same time and met as their wives. You have become good friends over these years. Your children are both 3 months apart and are 4 years old. You are really family friends and have known each other for the past 5-6 years now. You both have 1 boy each. The children play and study together.

Problem Statement:
Of late you have observed that X criticizes your son whenever you and she are alone with the kids. When your DHs are around she is very sweet and is complementing him but when you are alone and the kids are playing she is spitting a list of negatives about your child (when he is around). Initially you didn’t mind it since you consider her a foster mom. But you have started seeing you child becoming reserved and losing his spark in her presence.

Your DH has told you – “This is a matter between the women. I cannot fight with X’s husband for it. It will be silly. So find a way to discuss with her and solve it.”

PS: As a family you people are very close and cannot avoid X. You don’t want to break your friendship. But you have to correct this situation. How will you solve this situation?

Answer:

I will bring this topic with X when kids are not around .I wanted to talk to you about the kid being reserved and not being active like before. I consider you as a very close friend and I really appreciate you observing my kid and taking care about him. If you think something needs to be changed with him, let me know beforehand so I can talk to him and explain the same to him on why he needs to change. I have been noticing that he is being reserved with people and not being active like before .I have noticed that he is being very dull and disappointed when we say something to him directly. Since I consider you as the best advisor and I want our friendship to be the same and I want to keep making suggestions when needed so kids can be close like before.
Organizers Feedback: There are 2 things here - the explanation is more on the kid's behaviour than her feedback. You have to be clear that you are targeting the friend and not the child. Also a dialogue with the child to make him strong is important.

Situation 5 - @A Party (Social Circle)

Background:
You are at a party with some common friends. One particular lady is envious of your dress and has made it obvious that you are looking unexpectedly pretty. You are secretly happy because this is your precious find and your love your dress (it’s a SALWAR SUIT) with all the heavy work.

Problem Statement:
As a part of the party dinner this lady accidentally spills SAMBAR on your dress. She apologizes profusely but you feel it was intentional. When you look around you don’t find another lady with your height and weight so chances of a dress change are remote. Your house is 2 hrs drive away.

How will you live through the party? How will you fix this jealous lady for this embarrassment caused to you?

Answer:

I will be very disappointed as my dress is spoiled. I will try to wash the piece of cloth on the Salwar where SAMBAR was spilled. If I can clean it and if it doesn’t leave a stain that looks very odd on my dress, I will continue my stay in the party by hiding the stain with dupatta. If the dress cannot be cleaned and looks very odd, I will talk to the friend who invited to the party and will leave early explaining her the situation saying I will meet her at a later time.
Organizers Feedback: This answer addressed only half of the question without a mention to the other half. Incomplete answer.