Entry 22 - Sireesha Avvari

Situation 1 - @ Work Place
Background:
Imagine you are working in an IT firm. Your Job involves meeting with several customers along with your Boss. Your Boss is a good man and he is very supportive of your role and gives you a lot of space to grow. However he is not very good at receiving negative feedback.
Problem Statement:
In a recent customer interaction you have heard customer’s complain about your Boss’ bad body odour. They were saying that if they have to deal with it again they will consider stopping business. You overheard this conversation and were not given this feedback directly. How will you give this feedback to him such that the situation is corrected?

Answer:

Hmm.. pretty complex situation!
Two steps:
1. Will try talking about body odor issues with a friend/colleague within hearing distance from the boss.
2. Gift body mist for everyone in the team, including the boss
Organizers Feedback: Needs a conversation with rationale to solve.

Situation 2 - @ Home

Background:
You live in the same city as your in-laws and have recently bought a new home. This is your dream home and you have spent a little more than what you had planned to because this is a one-time investment and a few more thousands every month in mortgage was ok for this home. Now that the house is ready you have to consult your In-Laws (DH’s parents) for the house warming ceremony. Your in-laws are nice people and your relationship with them is cordial. (there are some grouses but that’s normal and nothing major).

Problem Statement:
At a dinner table your in-laws clarify that they want a GRAND house warming with all relatives – gifts and clothes in order. They have stated clearly that it has been a long time since they called any of their kith and kin and this is an opportune moment. You are totally shocked and upset because you want a simple home ceremony and want to minimize the cost of this event since you went overboard buying the house.

When you talk to you DH his comment is “Talk to them and convince if you can. I am ok either ways it will mean another personal loan but I would rather have a happy after math. Whatever you do I don’t want a fight in the family and want a happy situation so I leave it to you. Either adjust or convince. I will be neutral.”

What will you do – Agree to them or convince them and how?
Answer:

Again two steps:
1. Will start a casual conversation about the finances (without being direct about the present situation), talk about friends or acquaintances who faced similar situation. Usually, when something is thought from others’ perspective, people see the point. This is the preparation.
2. Then, I can slowly come to our own situation. Without being direct about not having a big party as a good idea, will try to make them see the advantage (money, peace of mind) of doing otherwise. Lastly, I promise that next time (for another occasion), there would definitely be a big party.
Organizers Feedback: The answer is not cohesive without directly talking to the in-laws how can you promise a bigger party the next time.

Situation 3 - @Work Place

Background:
Imagine you are a manager with 2 people reporting to you. Both of them have their unique strengths and need to work together to get the required result for you and the department. There are no other people with similar skills in your organization.

Problem Statement:
These two people could set a meeting to fire with their spats. They DO NOT get along well at all and a majority of you time is getting wasted addressing their interpersonal issues. Initially you thought these are small personality differences, but now its impacting your deliverables and putting your department in RED. You have to find a solution to this and ensure the tasks are completed on time. At the same time remember that it is not easy to find a replacement so it’s important to make them both feel important.

How will you solve this situation?

Answer:

I’m not sure what would work but I would try the following:
1. Try to give as independent silos of work to each as possible
2. I’ll move their space closer to mine so that I can facilitate things between them in a friendly way. This is added work for me, but worth a try.
3. I’ll have all three of us work on a task together. With the manager in the scene, they might behave better. When that task is a success, I’ll utilize that opportunity to let them know how cooperation and working towards something together will result in greater good: I’ll reward them. (I don’t want to directly talk about their attitude towards each other at this point)
4. When all the above fail, I can try making changes to Performance Appraisal criteria emphasizing the need to cooperate to move forward in their own career. May be being a bit direct is required at this point.
Organizers Feedback: Answered well - you have given a good thought and tried to give different modes of solutions. Though you have not probed directly but in these 4 options 1 will definitely give you the root cause.

Situation 4 - @Friend Circle

Background:
You and X are very good friends. Our husbands are colelagues and You got married at the same time and met as their wives. You have become good friends over these years. Your children are both 3 months apart and are 4 years old. You are really family friends and have known each other for the past 5-6 years now. You both have 1 boy each. The children play and study together.

Problem Statement:
Of late you have observed that X criticizes your son whenever you and she are alone with the kids. When your DHs are around she is very sweet and is complementing him but when you are alone and the kids are playing she is spitting a list of negatives about your child (when he is around). Initially you didn’t mind it since you consider her a foster mom. But you have started seeing you child becoming reserved and losing his spark in her presence.

Your DH has told you – “This is a matter between the women. I cannot fight with X’s husband for it. It will be silly. So find a way to discuss with her and solve it.”

PS: As a family you people are very close and cannot avoid X. You don’t want to break your friendship. But you have to correct this situation. How will you solve this situation?

Answer:
1. I’ll defend my son every time she says something mean (in a sportive, laughing way, but definitely firm) and definitely won’t agree with her – this will first make my relationship with my son better and will also serve as cues to her that something is wrong.
2. Then, when my son is not around, I’ll say to her directly that what she is doing is a very bad thing. I’ll let her know that it is hurtful to both me and my son and serves no good purpose. I tell her that I understand that she might not have meant anything like that or never thought about it in that way. I’ll ask her gently to imagine how she would feel if I do the same with her child. And if she really thinks that my son has issues, she can talk to me in private, and I can resolve them. Directing a torrent of negatives towards a kid makes things only worse. Lastly, I’ll request her to think about it leisurely and try to see things from my viewpoint. I’ll also emphasize our friendship and its importance and how we should treasure it. (This gives a positive feeling for her to reflect on, when she thinks about the conversation later and also conveys the message that I don’t really want our friendship to be affected by this situation, without undermining my problem.)
Organizers Feedback: Defending your som everytime will give him a wrong message. Talking to the child is the solution that is critical.

Situation 5 - @A Party (Social Circle)

Background:
You are at a party with some common friends. One particular lady is envious of your dress and has made it obvious that you are looking unexpectedly pretty. You are secretly happy because this is your precious find and your love your dress (it’s a SALWAR SUIT) with all the heavy work.

Problem Statement:
As a part of the party dinner this lady accidentally spills SAMBAR on your dress. She apologizes profusely but you feel it was intentional. When you look around you don’t find another lady with your height and weight so chances of a dress change are remote. Your house is 2 hrs drive away.

How will you live through the party? How will you fix this jealous lady for this embarrassment caused to you?

Answer:
1. Let me be honest - I would really feel bad that my dress has been ruined and might be full of rage. I can’t imagine someone can behave so meanly.
2. If I’m really upset, I might want to leave the party at once. But, in case that the party is important to me, I would try to clean as much as possible in the washroom and try to cover the stain with the dupatta. Hopefully, I would live through the party talking to a dear friend.
3. As far as getting back to her, I don’t think I can devise something against her, even though at that hurtful moment I would really long to do something. In general, I’m not very good at taking revenges.
4. I’ll just try to forget and get out of that as soon as possible. But I’ll definitely avoid her in the future and maintain safe distance always..

Organizers Feedback: A good answer - that doesn’t assume that the person did it on purpose. This answer is more towards the situation than the person.