Entry 25 - Srividya Hari

Situation 1 - @ Work Place
Background:
Imagine you are working in an IT firm. Your Job involves meeting with several customers along with your Boss. Your Boss is a good man and he is very supportive of your role and gives you a lot of space to grow. However he is not very good at receiving negative feedback.
Problem Statement:
In a recent customer interaction you have heard customer’s complain about your Boss’ bad body odour. They were saying that if they have to deal with it again they will consider stopping business. You overheard this conversation and were not given this feedback directly. How will you give this feedback to him such that the situation is corrected?

Answer:

If I were in her position, then the very next day I would go to office with obviously smelling good with the best perfume and deo. Any person who notices me should raise their brows with an inquisition. This definitely creates a talking session with my boss and I would tell him that these days, coz of weather changes and global warming the overall weather conditions have become very hot and I am perspiring like crazy and looking for a permanent solution and also to my horror I overheard customer’s conversation about another party with whom they kinda dropped the deal coz of the bad odor from mouth or whatever (make up something!) So I thought I would smell as best as I can coz I don’t want to lose a customer just for a silly reason like this. I would also add that am secretly carrying my deo also in my bag just in case if I need to re-use it. So started implementing from today itself to make sure they don’t turn back for any reason. After all I am keeping myself clean and good smelling. It’s in a way good for me also coz the good smell also keeps me refreshed throughout the day and also I feel less tired. It’s kind of a smell therapy also.
Organizers Feedback: No conversation with the boss but otherwise yours was a very good out of the box soultion. Liked it.

Situation 2 - @ Home

Background:
You live in the same city as your in-laws and have recently bought a new home. This is your dream home and you have spent a little more than what you had planned to because this is a one-time investment and a few more thousands every month in mortgage was ok for this home. Now that the house is ready you have to consult your In-Laws (DH’s parents) for the house warming ceremony. Your in-laws are nice people and your relationship with them is cordial. (there are some grouses but that’s normal and nothing major).

Problem Statement:
At a dinner table your in-laws clarify that they want a GRAND house warming with all relatives – gifts and clothes in order. They have stated clearly that it has been a long time since they called any of their kith and kin and this is an opportune moment. You are totally shocked and upset because you want a simple home ceremony and want to minimize the cost of this event since you went overboard buying the house.

When you talk to you DH his comment is “Talk to them and convince if you can. I am ok either ways it will mean another personal loan but I would rather have a happy after math. Whatever you do I don’t want a fight in the family and want a happy situation so I leave it to you. Either adjust or convince. I will be neutral.”

What will you do – Agree to them or convince them and how?
Answer:

Athayyagaru & Mavayyagaru: Meeru cheppina padhathi chaala nacchindi. Naaku kuda grand ga anni cheyyalani undi kaani ee illu kosam ani mee abbayi chaalaa loan theesukunnaru. Manam inka inkaa karchu chesukuntu pothe kanaka migiledi antha appule kaani emi ledu. Nenu mee abbayi thoti maatladanu thanu mee ishta prakaram alochinchi cheyyandi ani chepparu. Naaku oka idea unnadi. Ippatiki meeru enno illaki gruhapravesalu chesaru kada, idi kuda andulo inkoti. idi emi kotha kaadu manaki. Kani vacche yedadi memu mee shashtipoorthi / sil pelli / or any bday function / or any other event anukuntunnamu ga appudu andarini pilichi chaalaa chaala grand ga cheddamu. Ee sariki ilaa simple ga kanicheddamu alaa ani mariii emi cheyyakunda undamu ga. Mana close friends and relatives varaku piluddamu simple ga cheddamu. Vratham chesukuni bhojanalu pedthamu, battalu kuda alochiddamu karchu chusukuni. Kaani manam next yr cheyaboye function ki mathram meeru ela chepthe alaage. Ee sariki please andi meeru oppukondi ainaa kaadu kudaradu ante kanaka mee abbayi thoti inkosari matladi chusthanu. Kaani thanaki ippatike thalaku minchina bharam paina vesukunnaru inkaa ante emi anaru kaani naake badha anipisthundi adagataniki antha kante cheyyakudadu ani mathram ledu. sarena andi? Please oppukondi.
Organizers Feedback: Liked this answer and the justification.

Situation 3 - @Work Place

Background:
Imagine you are a manager with 2 people reporting to you. Both of them have their unique strengths and need to work together to get the required result for you and the department. There are no other people with similar skills in your organization.

Problem Statement:
These two people could set a meeting to fire with their spats. They DO NOT get along well at all and a majority of you time is getting wasted addressing their interpersonal issues. Initially you thought these are small personality differences, but now its impacting your deliverables and putting your department in RED. You have to find a solution to this and ensure the tasks are completed on time. At the same time remember that it is not easy to find a replacement so it’s important to make them both feel important.

How will you solve this situation?

Answer:

I will first call one on one meeting with each of the persons. I will try to make a list of their wants / needs & a separate list for their complaints / not doable things (on/for the other peer) from them. Now I will compile a new set of rules (must-to-do list) for both of them. The list comprises of both of their doable and not doable things. I will call for a group meeting and discuss these rules with them and would tell to implement them from that day. Since they both get to do whatever they like and also partially their ego is satisfied coz of the other person’s not doable thing is on the must – to – do list, (which is in their favor again) they feel happy about the new change. They wouldn’t mind doing some of their not doable jobs. I will also make sure to split the project between both of them such that each person gets interdependent on the other. Each of them has to be nice to the other person to get their job done. So, for at least getting their jobs done on time, they will start working together and my deliverables wouldn’t be getting affected as they have to excel in their performance to get the appraisal at the end of the yearJ.
Organizers Feedback: This is also a good answer

Situation 4 - @Friend Circle

Background:
You and X are very good friends. Our husbands are colelagues and You got married at the same time and met as their wives. You have become good friends over these years. Your children are both 3 months apart and are 4 years old. You are really family friends and have known each other for the past 5-6 years now. You both have 1 boy each. The children play and study together.

Problem Statement:
Of late you have observed that X criticizes your son whenever you and she are alone with the kids. When your DHs are around she is very sweet and is complementing him but when you are alone and the kids are playing she is spitting a list of negatives about your child (when he is around). Initially you didn’t mind it since you consider her a foster mom. But you have started seeing you child becoming reserved and losing his spark in her presence.

Your DH has told you – “This is a matter between the women. I cannot fight with X’s husband for it. It will be silly. So find a way to discuss with her and solve it.”

PS: As a family you people are very close and cannot avoid X. You don’t want to break your friendship. But you have to correct this situation. How will you solve this situation?

Answer:

When we meet X’s family next I will wait for the right opportunity when both DH’s are around and also listening to our conversation just as when she would start complementing my son I would start off with my plan. I would say, hey X: I have been observing (all the negativities list that she keeps telling me in absence of hubbies) that my son exactly does the same things that u kept on listing every time we meet now. I seriously want to be a good mother and as I am partly responsible for his behavior too. So I would suggest that we all (4) of us would sit down now/today and make a list of things of Do’s / Don’ts for both the kids. I feel we should start implementing from today and when we meet next time we should see the difference. I have been observing few other kids with different behavior but I feel each kid is different and their response to each activity is different. For e.g.: my son does abc to one thing but your son’s response is way different from that. My son sometimes feels so low and he doesn’t know what wrong he has done. This is affecting my son’s behavior later. I am worried about this. We should figure out whose response is correct and we make sure that both our sons should follow the right one! What say? I guess it’s time for us to start doing something good for our kid’s better future. I guess this should be enough for her to realize her mistake, and both of our hubbies would know what exactly is happening in their absence.
P.S: I don’t have a 5 yr old and never ever lived / heard some situation like this so thought something really that came into my mind. I am sure there are many people out there who can better handle this situation.
Organizers Feedback: The primary fault with this approach is you are involving DH which will blow up into an ugly scene and kill yoru family friendships. This is an assumption that disqualified the answer.

Situation 5 - @A Party (Social Circle)

Background:
You are at a party with some common friends. One particular lady is envious of your dress and has made it obvious that you are looking unexpectedly pretty. You are secretly happy because this is your precious find and your love your dress (it’s a SALWAR SUIT) with all the heavy work.

Problem Statement:
As a part of the party dinner this lady accidentally spills SAMBAR on your dress. She apologizes profusely but you feel it was intentional. When you look around you don’t find another lady with your height and weight so chances of a dress change are remote. Your house is 2 hrs drive away.

How will you live through the party? How will you fix this jealous lady for this embarrassment caused to you?

Answer:

I would first accept the apologies from the lady and with a smile on my face but with a little obviously louder voice I would say “Oh oh! The dress has a stain. But it’s okay. Can you please do me a favor? Can you get some paper napkins and soap to clean this? We will fix this thing together”. I will go with her and get some firsthand cleaning done and I already know people around me have registered the full scene. I would cover the stain with my duppatta (it’s a salwar suit, that’s the advantage). I would not say a word to her but I make sure whenever she is around me and if someone enquires about the stain, I would say, “Yeah accidentally sambar got spilled on my dress. I should have been more careful. But sometimes, things wouldn’t be in your control, we have to be extra cautious. But that’s fine; it’s just a dress I will get it cleaned”. If she has done it intentionally this is enough for her to feel guilty for rest of the day and also in future she would try to be careful with the ‘spills’ & if it’s a genuine accident she wouldn’t mind coz I am just talking about an accidental spill. No harm to her.

Organizers Feedback: Answered well