Entry 19 - Pushpa Gadde

Situation 1 - @ Work Place
Background:
Imagine you are working in an IT firm. Your Job involves meeting with several customers along with your Boss. Your Boss is a good man and he is very supportive of your role and gives you a lot of space to grow. However he is not very good at receiving negative feedback.
Problem Statement:
In a recent customer interaction you have heard customer’s complain about your Boss’ bad body odour. They were saying that if they have to deal with it again they will consider stopping business. You overheard this conversation and were not given this feedback directly. How will you give this feedback to him such that the situation is corrected?

Answer:

I would indirectly try to talk about this matter with my boss. This is how I will tell a story:
“One of my friend recently got kicked out of his company for a very ridiculous reason. He is very hard working and is always on time for any delivery. He is very sad and don’t know what to do now, but then when I think as his boss/the owner of the company I would also have done the same thing. He is a chain smoker and smokes all the time. Due to this his mouth stinks and it is hard for people to sit around him. Even as a friend I find it hard sometimes. The company was about to lose their client. He can do anything when he is in his home, but he should be careful that it is not affecting his work at his workplace. I feel sorry for him, but I feel he is himself responsible for this loss of his job.”
I would also gift him a perfume bottle and say that it would be nice if he uses it. And would compliment him for smelling good everyday I meet him for smelling good.
Organizers Feedback: Direct communication is always better. Smoking and BO are very diffficult to relate to.

Situation 2 - @ Home

Background:
You live in the same city as your in-laws and have recently bought a new home. This is your dream home and you have spent a little more than what you had planned to because this is a one-time investment and a few more thousands every month in mortgage was ok for this home. Now that the house is ready you have to consult your In-Laws (DH’s parents) for the house warming ceremony. Your in-laws are nice people and your relationship with them is cordial. (there are some grouses but that’s normal and nothing major).

Problem Statement:
At a dinner table your in-laws clarify that they want a GRAND house warming with all relatives – gifts and clothes in order. They have stated clearly that it has been a long time since they called any of their kith and kin and this is an opportune moment. You are totally shocked and upset because you want a simple home ceremony and want to minimize the cost of this event since you went overboard buying the house.

When you talk to you DH his comment is “Talk to them and convince if you can. I am ok either ways it will mean another personal loan but I would rather have a happy after math. Whatever you do I don’t want a fight in the family and want a happy situation so I leave it to you. Either adjust or convince. I will be neutral.”

What will you do – Agree to them or convince them and how?
Answer:
Talk to them and convince them that it is going out of budget, in case if they feel strong that the ceremony should be GRAND, will ask help in budgeting and partial funding for the cost.

Organizers Feedback: Inadequate Explanation and reasoning

Situation 3 - @Work Place

Background:
Imagine you are a manager with 2 people reporting to you. Both of them have their unique strengths and need to work together to get the required result for you and the department. There are no other people with similar skills in your organization.

Problem Statement:
These two people could set a meeting to fire with their spats. They DO NOT get along well at all and a majority of you time is getting wasted addressing their interpersonal issues. Initially you thought these are small personality differences, but now its impacting your deliverables and putting your department in RED. You have to find a solution to this and ensure the tasks are completed on time. At the same time remember that it is not easy to find a replacement so it’s important to make them both feel important.

How will you solve this situation?

Answer:
First of all just want to remind them individually, that this is not a kid’s play area. Even after that if there is a confrontation in the meeting, will remind and tell them that it can be discussed offline in one-on-one meetings. If they have to discuss their differences over a topic, I will ask each of them to come with data to prove their point of view, instead of arguing.

Organizers Feedback: Any conflict situation needs probing. Warning will work but the solution needs to address the root cause of the problem.

Situation 4 - @Friend Circle

Background:
You and X are very good friends. Our husbands are colelagues and You got married at the same time and met as their wives. You have become good friends over these years. Your children are both 3 months apart and are 4 years old. You are really family friends and have known each other for the past 5-6 years now. You both have 1 boy each. The children play and study together.

Problem Statement:
Of late you have observed that X criticizes your son whenever you and she are alone with the kids. When your DHs are around she is very sweet and is complementing him but when you are alone and the kids are playing she is spitting a list of negatives about your child (when he is around). Initially you didn’t mind it since you consider her a foster mom. But you have started seeing you child becoming reserved and losing his spark in her presence.

Your DH has told you – “This is a matter between the women. I cannot fight with X’s husband for it. It will be silly. So find a way to discuss with her and solve it.”

PS: As a family you people are very close and cannot avoid X. You don’t want to break your friendship. But you have to correct this situation. How will you solve this situation?

Answer:
This looks very simple/silly, but this is a very sensitive issue. In this case you need to be more jovial to point out that she is being too harsh on the boy. Telugulo dabainchatam antaaru(navvutu). This way your kid will get confidence that you are his side, and you are going back him up.
If it has to be corrected, tell him in a soft voice and give him a reason. And ask her if we could talk about something else that interests both of us.
Organizers Feedback: Annintiki dabaisthe the kid will think whatever I do is safe ani - that's incorrect. So taking and setting expectations are a better solution :)

Situation 5 - @A Party (Social Circle)

Background:
You are at a party with some common friends. One particular lady is envious of your dress and has made it obvious that you are looking unexpectedly pretty. You are secretly happy because this is your precious find and your love your dress (it’s a SALWAR SUIT) with all the heavy work.

Problem Statement:
As a part of the party dinner this lady accidentally spills SAMBAR on your dress. She apologizes profusely but you feel it was intentional. When you look around you don’t find another lady with your height and weight so chances of a dress change are remote. Your house is 2 hrs drive away.

How will you live through the party? How will you fix this jealous lady for this embarrassment caused to you?

Answer:
This is a tricky situation, you don’t want to yell at her and become a center point in the Party or you can’t ignore that she spoiled your dress and your party mood.
One way this can be handled is clean up as much as you can, and jokingly when ever you face her tell her (loudly) that she is careful with her SAMBAR. Not in this party and any party that is coming up, until she backs down in even thinking about such a thing later.
If some body asks about that marks on your dress, tell them that she (take name) accidentally spilled SAMBAR on your dress and keep feeling bad about your dress.

Organizers Feedback: Again this is a perception that she did it on purpose, assumign she didn’t do it and its an accident you will make a fool of yourself telling everyone and will look vindictive. So be very caution. A lot of times - "What you feel is not what it is".