Entry 31 - Madhuri Malladi

Situation 1 - @ Work Place
Background:
Imagine you are working in an IT firm. Your Job involves meeting with several customers along with your Boss. Your Boss is a good man and he is very supportive of your role and gives you a lot of space to grow. However he is not very good at receiving negative feedback.
Problem Statement:
In a recent customer interaction you have heard customer’s complain about your Boss’ bad body odour. They were saying that if they have to deal with it again they will consider stopping business. You overheard this conversation and were not given this feedback directly. How will you give this feedback to him such that the situation is corrected?

Answer: First I would suggest my boss to arrange meetings in the mornings as everybody generally takes bath in the morning. Secondly I will try to arrange the chairs in the meeting room in such a way that there is no close interaction between both the parties. As my job is very important to me I will also make an anonymous call and let him know about his drawback.
Organizers Feedback: Anonymous calls are a very bad idea. If traced you could loose your job.

Situation 2 - @ Home

Background:
You live in the same city as your in-laws and have recently bought a new home. This is your dream home and you have spent a little more than what you had planned to because this is a one-time investment and a few more thousands every month in mortgage was ok for this home. Now that the house is ready you have to consult your In-Laws (DH’s parents) for the house warming ceremony. Your in-laws are nice people and your relationship with them is cordial. (there are some grouses but that’s normal and nothing major).

Problem Statement:
At a dinner table your in-laws clarify that they want a GRAND house warming with all relatives – gifts and clothes in order. They have stated clearly that it has been a long time since they called any of their kith and kin and this is an opportune moment. You are totally shocked and upset because you want a simple home ceremony and want to minimize the cost of this event since you went overboard buying the house.

When you talk to you DH his comment is “Talk to them and convince if you can. I am ok either ways it will mean another personal loan but I would rather have a happy after math. Whatever you do I don’t want a fight in the family and want a happy situation so I leave it to you. Either adjust or convince. I will be neutral.”

What will you do – Agree to them or convince them and how?
Answer:

Nothing is more important to me than my DH and his parents happiness. New dream house is once in a life time event. I agree to my in-law wishes about house warming ceremony for celebrating the event in a grand way. If my inlaws are happy, my DH surely turns happy from neutral.
Organizers Feedback: Agreeing to give in is good - but you haven't understood the constraints explained. The solution is not backed with sufficient explanation.

Situation 3 - @Work Place

Background:
Imagine you are a manager with 2 people reporting to you. Both of them have their unique strengths and need to work together to get the required result for you and the department. There are no other people with similar skills in your organization.

Problem Statement:
These two people could set a meeting to fire with their spats. They DO NOT get along well at all and a majority of you time is getting wasted addressing their interpersonal issues. Initially you thought these are small personality differences, but now its impacting your deliverables and putting your department in RED. You have to find a solution to this and ensure the tasks are completed on time. At the same time remember that it is not easy to find a replacement so it’s important to make them both feel important.

How will you solve this situation?

Answer:

I must realize that some fault is with me because I am listening to them about their differences. As a first measure, I stop talking to them about their issues or any complaints whatsoever coming from them. This should normalize the situation slowly. Since, my company and job are more important to me and these chaps quarrel is affecting over all work efficiency in the company, I simply tell them that company higher authorities are looking for changes in the workforce to add some new energy in the company activities. If situation continues to be the same, I warn them politely about sorting out differences as quickly as possible otherwise it may jeopardize their career in long run if the same attitude continues in their lives. Surely I remind them about their strengths so as not to hurt them completely.
Organizers Feedback: This is a unique answer but you are not at fault because 2 other strangers are fighting. The problem is with them and not you :)

Situation 4 - @Friend Circle

Background:
You and X are very good friends. Our husbands are colelagues and You got married at the same time and met as their wives. You have become good friends over these years. Your children are both 3 months apart and are 4 years old. You are really family friends and have known each other for the past 5-6 years now. You both have 1 boy each. The children play and study together.

Problem Statement:
Of late you have observed that X criticizes your son whenever you and she are alone with the kids. When your DHs are around she is very sweet and is complementing him but when you are alone and the kids are playing she is spitting a list of negatives about your child (when he is around). Initially you didn’t mind it since you consider her a foster mom. But you have started seeing you child becoming reserved and losing his spark in her presence.

Your DH has told you – “This is a matter between the women. I cannot fight with X’s husband for it. It will be silly. So find a way to discuss with her and solve it.”

PS: As a family you people are very close and cannot avoid X. You don’t want to break your friendship. But you have to correct this situation. How will you solve this situation?

Answer:

Under any circumstances, I am the one who should take care of my kids and family. Outside relations like friendship and family friends is also important to socialize but it should not affect the atmosphere at my home. I directly ask X about her problem with my kid and try to sort out the issue amicably. If same situation is continuing, I simply avoid her slowly but not abruptly and will convince my husband about the same.
Organizers Feedback: The answer at the crux is good but is not explained well. Also the handling the kid and making him feel confident is missing.

Situation 5 - @A Party (Social Circle)

Background:
You are at a party with some common friends. One particular lady is envious of your dress and has made it obvious that you are looking unexpectedly pretty. You are secretly happy because this is your precious find and your love your dress (it’s a SALWAR SUIT) with all the heavy work.

Problem Statement:
As a part of the party dinner this lady accidentally spills SAMBAR on your dress. She apologizes profusely but you feel it was intentional. When you look around you don’t find another lady with your height and weight so chances of a dress change are remote. Your house is 2 hrs drive away.

How will you live through the party? How will you fix this jealous lady for this embarrassment caused to you?

Answer:

There is no need to fix the woman who spilled Sambar on my dress because my pretty looks, dress and most importantly her jealousy fixed her completely. I try to manage with the same dress because it takes about 4-5 hours to go home and come back with another dress. F somebody asks me about it, I show her who is responsible for spilling the Sambar. I will be cautious in future events with her.

Organizers Feedback: Again this is a perception that she did it on purpose, assuming she didn’t do it and its an accident you will make a fool of yourself telling everyone and will look vindictive. So be very caution. A lot of times - "What you feel is not what it is".