Entry 29 - Anupama Juturu

Situation 1 - @ Work Place
Background:
Imagine you are working in an IT firm. Your Job involves meeting with several customers along with your Boss. Your Boss is a good man and he is very supportive of your role and gives you a lot of space to grow. However he is not very good at receiving negative feedback.
Problem Statement:
In a recent customer interaction you have heard customer’s complain about your Boss’ bad body odour. They were saying that if they have to deal with it again they will consider stopping business. You overheard this conversation and were not given this feedback directly. How will you give this feedback to him such that the situation is corrected?

Answer:

I don’t want to spoil the good relationship with my boss. If we lose one customer, we can always get a new customer. I will keep quiet and will not get involved.
Organizers Feedback:Inadequate Explanation and reasoning

Situation 2 - @ Home

Background:
You live in the same city as your in-laws and have recently bought a new home. This is your dream home and you have spent a little more than what you had planned to because this is a one-time investment and a few more thousands every month in mortgage was ok for this home. Now that the house is ready you have to consult your In-Laws (DH’s parents) for the house warming ceremony. Your in-laws are nice people and your relationship with them is cordial. (there are some grouses but that’s normal and nothing major).

Problem Statement:
At a dinner table your in-laws clarify that they want a GRAND house warming with all relatives – gifts and clothes in order. They have stated clearly that it has been a long time since they called any of their kith and kin and this is an opportune moment. You are totally shocked and upset because you want a simple home ceremony and want to minimize the cost of this event since you went overboard buying the house.

When you talk to you DH his comment is “Talk to them and convince if you can. I am ok either ways it will mean another personal loan but I would rather have a happy after math. Whatever you do I don’t want a fight in the family and want a happy situation so I leave it to you. Either adjust or convince. I will be neutral.”

What will you do – Agree to them or convince them and how?
Answer:

Since the in-laws are nice people, it will be easier to talk to them about the problem. If my husband decides to be neutral, I’ll talk to both of them in front of my husband explaining the costs and how their son has to take another personal loan just to make them happy. I’ll also tell them, any extra money can be used for the future of their grandchildren. If they have anything to say, they can deal with their son directly.
Organizers Feedback: The whole situation is nullified the moment you decide to ask your in-laws to deal with your DH directly.

Situation 3 - @Work Place

Background:
Imagine you are a manager with 2 people reporting to you. Both of them have their unique strengths and need to work together to get the required result for you and the department. There are no other people with similar skills in your organization.

Problem Statement:
These two people could set a meeting to fire with their spats. They DO NOT get along well at all and a majority of you time is getting wasted addressing their interpersonal issues. Initially you thought these are small personality differences, but now its impacting your deliverables and putting your department in RED. You have to find a solution to this and ensure the tasks are completed on time. At the same time remember that it is not easy to find a replacement so it’s important to make them both feel important.

How will you solve this situation?

Answer:

I’ll call each employee and have a one-on-one conversation and give feedback first about how the tasks are not getting done because of their conflict. If the tasks are not done on time – it will come up in their performance review and if they don’t get a good review – they won’t be getting any pay raise or any pay incentives. Keeping this in mind, I’ll tell them to work their conflicts together. Even if they are throwing stones at each other, I’ll ask their views and plan of actions separately and I’ll decide how to pool those ideas by giving equal weight to both of them.
Organizers Feedback: The appraoch would have worked if you would have started with praise. Remember you have to keep these ppl with you and continue so you cannot say you fight but work. The productivity will take a hit.

Situation 4 - @Friend Circle

Background:
You and X are very good friends. Our husbands are colelagues and You got married at the same time and met as their wives. You have become good friends over these years. Your children are both 3 months apart and are 4 years old. You are really family friends and have known each other for the past 5-6 years now. You both have 1 boy each. The children play and study together.

Problem Statement:
Of late you have observed that X criticizes your son whenever you and she are alone with the kids. When your DHs are around she is very sweet and is complementing him but when you are alone and the kids are playing she is spitting a list of negatives about your child (when he is around). Initially you didn’t mind it since you consider her a foster mom. But you have started seeing you child becoming reserved and losing his spark in her presence.

Your DH has told you – “This is a matter between the women. I cannot fight with X’s husband for it. It will be silly. So find a way to discuss with her and solve it.”

PS: As a family you people are very close and cannot avoid X. You don’t want to break your friendship. But you have to correct this situation. How will you solve this situation?

Answer:

First thing first - I will change school and study group to find new friends for the child to maintain the distance and to reduce the negative impact. Whether lose a friend or not – the situation has to be addressed seriously and fast otherwise it can impact the mind of a young child. My child is more important to me than the friendships between two families. But instead of starting a fight with X (the boy is not around) – I’ll gently tell her that the kid is growing up and is noticing things around him and how he becomes quiet if he thinks that somebody tells bad things about him that includes his mom and dad. I’ll make sure that X is not with the boy or the boy with X when meeting for a social gathering.
Organizers Feedback: Partial solution, relation with friend will go south

Situation 5 - @A Party (Social Circle)

Background:
You are at a party with some common friends. One particular lady is envious of your dress and has made it obvious that you are looking unexpectedly pretty. You are secretly happy because this is your precious find and your love your dress (it’s a SALWAR SUIT) with all the heavy work.

Problem Statement:
As a part of the party dinner this lady accidentally spills SAMBAR on your dress. She apologizes profusely but you feel it was intentional. When you look around you don’t find another lady with your height and weight so chances of a dress change are remote. Your house is 2 hrs drive away.

How will you live through the party? How will you fix this jealous lady for this embarrassment caused to you?

Answer:

If the party is in a friend’s house – I’ll change to one her dresses regardless of her height and weight. Then, I’ll tell the envious lady – how she is fond of the dress, how long she waited for it, how much she paid for it and how much she is heart-broken about it. If the envious lady didn’t care for it – from next time onwards – I’ll keep my distance from her.

Organizers Feedback: Not realistic