Entry 13 - Sirisha Devarapalli - Third Place

• Situation 1 - @ Work Place

Background:

Imagine you are working in an IT firm. Your Job involves meeting with several customers along with your Boss. Your Boss is a good man and he is very supportive of your role and gives you a lot of space to grow. However he is not very good at receiving negative feedback.

Problem Statement:

In a recent customer interaction you have heard customer’s complain about your Boss’ bad body odour. They were saying that if they have to deal with it again they will consider stopping business. You overheard this conversation and were not given this feedback directly. How will you give this feedback to him such that the situation is corrected?

Answer:

I will be quite diplomatic. I generally do this a few times and would apply the same formula. In a casual chat with my boss over tea break or smoke, I will mention that I met someone who had real bad body odour. I will tell him that if I had to deal with him again I for sure would not go back because of the body odour however financially correct that may seem. I will also tell him that its strange that some people don’t use deodorants which has become quite common these days. I will also mention that most of us these days don’t just get satisfied with deos but are also using expensive perfumes which is emptying the pocket. I will have the entire chat very casually, smiling a couple of times without having a look which says that its intended at you so I am very shy looking into your eyes while I say this.

I believe that any feedback should be given in a manner where you do not intend to hurt the other persons feelings. As it is possible in this case that the boss has a skin allergy to deos or he never knew that he has bad body odour. When the boss cannot take negative feedback and you let him know indirectly that he could be the one spreading bad body odour, atleast the boss will be more careful from the following day. If he cannot use deos he might atleast try to use something else that helps or in the other case he might very well start using something to prevent body odour.

• Situation 2 - @ Home

Background:

You live in the same city as your in-laws and have recently bought a new home. This is your dream home and you have spent a little more than what you had planned to because this is a one-time investment and a few more thousands every month in mortgage was ok for this home. Now that the house is ready you have to consult your In-Laws (DH’s parents) for the house warming ceremony. Your in-laws are nice people and your relationship with them is cordial. (there are some grouses but that’s normal and nothing major).

Problem Statement:

At a dinner table your in-laws clarify that they want a GRAND house warming with all relatives – gifts and clothes in order. They have stated clearly that it has been a long time since they called any of their kith and kin and this is an opportune moment. You are totally shocked and upset because you want a simple home ceremony and want to minimize the cost of this event since you went overboard buying the house.

When you talk to you DH his comment is “Talk to them and convince if you can. I am ok either ways it will mean another personal loan but I would rather have a happy after math. Whatever you do I don’t want a fight in the family and want a happy situation so I leave it to you. Either adjust or convince. I will be neutral.”

What will you do – Agree to them or convince them and how?

Answer:

I will surely try to convince my In-Laws. If they are nice people it surely means they are approachable. I will mention to my mother-in law that there have been too many expenses with the construction of the house. I will also mention that it will be lovely to have all our relatives here for a couple of days too. I will also check with them on the idea of having a Diwali ceremony in the new house with all our relatives which would be a great occasion to shower them with some presents. The festival would be giving me and DH some time to settle our finances and it would also help in-laws stay happy that all their relatives are given gifts and new clothes. In case my in-laws are unhappy with my thought I shall go ahead and ask my husband to take a personal loan as when we have spent so much for the house and tried explaining the in-laws about the expenses and they don’t understand, someone has to make a compromise to have a peaceful environment at home.

If they are not happy on the house warming ceremony it will be a disaster, another once off expense in such a case is not a crime. In case in-laws are happy with my idea of waiting for the nearest festival to shower the relatives with gifts, everyone would be happy.

• Situation 3 - @Work Place

Background:

Imagine you are a manager with 2 people reporting to you. Both of them have their unique strengths and need to work together to get the required result for you and the department. There are no other people with similar skills in your organization.

Problem Statement:

These two people could set a meeting to fire with their spats. They DO NOT get along well at all and a majority of you time is getting wasted addressing their interpersonal issues. Initially you thought these are small personality differences, but now its impacting your deliverables and putting your department in RED. You have to find a solution to this and ensure the tasks are completed on time. At the same time remember that it is not easy to find a replacement so it’s important to make them both feel important.

How will you solve this situation?

Answer:

I will have a meeting with both of them individually. I will try putting them on different deliverables. I will set strict deadlines for each one of them. During the individual meeting I will have to show them a carrot. I will have to tell them that if they intend to grow in the organization they will have t make sure that they maintain a cordial relationship with everyone in the team atleast. I will tell them that even if they would have to leave the organization or if they would fire the person with whom they cannot get along in the long run they might find many such employees who are terrificfor the job but might not get along with them personally.

I will try and explain to them that personal relationships do not bring you up the hierarchy but professional relationships do. I will have them understand that well so they get on with their jobs and even if they don’t talk to each other my deliverables are done on time. Because as a Manager I have to be selfish to some extent as its my teams reputation at stake.

• Situation 4 - @Friend Circle

Background:

You and X are very good friends. Our husbands are colelagues and You got married at the same time and met as their wives. You have become good friends over these years. Your children are both 3 months apart and are 4 years old. You are really family friends and have known each other for the past 5-6 years now. You both have 1 boy each. The children play and study together.

Problem Statement:

Of late you have observed that X criticizes your son whenever you and she are alone with the kids. When your DHs are around she is very sweet and is complementing him but when you are alone and the kids are playing she is spitting a list of negatives about your child (when he is around). Initially you didn’t mind it since you consider her a foster mom. But you have started seeing you child becoming reserved and losing his spark in her presence.

Your DH has told you – “This is a matter between the women. I cannot fight with X’s husband for it. It will be silly. So find a way to discuss with her and solve it.”

PS: As a family you people are very close and cannot avoid X. You don’t want to break your friendship. But you have to correct this situation. How will you solve this situation?

Answer:

Well now that is sure a difficult situation. If such a close friend of mine is behaving indifferent towards my kid, I will first try to understand if something is really wrong. If my friend is criticizing about the right things &if she is unable to put it in the right way and doesn’t want to discuss it in front of our husband’s. In such a case I shall ask her to be a little more softer towards the kid as she is like his foster mom and has all rights on the child. In case I get to understand that she is criticizing my child because he is better than her child in some way, I will try and explain to her that some children do take time to pick up things. If she is still the same and does not change her attitude I will make sure my child does not spend any time in front of her alone. I will try and pull in a few more friends of his from preschool for him to spend time with.

I would confront her directly because she has been such a close friend for so long. I still believe that atleast in my case if I have been so close to a friend for so long & their attitude has suddenly changed there must have been a reason for it. I will sure try to bring out the reason &settle it with her. If time seems to have changed her attitude I will not create a fight as they are family friends but try to maintain a distance in the absence of our spouses.

• Situation 5 - @A Party (Social Circle)

Background:

You are at a party with some common friends. One particular lady is envious of your dress and has made it obvious that you are looking unexpectedly pretty. You are secretly happy because this is your precious find and your love your dress (it’s a SALWAR SUIT) with all the heavy work.

Problem Statement:

As a part of the party dinner this lady accidentally spills SAMBAR on your dress. She apologizes profusely but you feel it was intentional. When you look around you don’t find another lady with your height and weight so chances of a dress change are remote. Your house is 2 hrs drive away.

How will you live through the party? How will you fix this jealous lady for this embarrassment caused to you?

Answer:

I will cover my dress with my dupatta atleast partially to cover the stain of the food spilled over. As it was a beautiful dress there will be a lot of people through the party asking me what happened, I will make sure that when she is around me I mention to others that I had a lovely dress and this lady accidently spilled the sambar, I will then laugh out and say that I was thinking she is jealous and then say that I was just kidding. I will make sure that atleast everyone who asks me about my dress knows which lady spilled sambar. I will also try and add in a few comments here and there saying the place is not so crowded to think that someone pushed u around.

I might later feel a little bad thinking that I might have been rude but I cannot shout at anyone about anything so I will have to do things my way by being a little sarcastic that might give me atleast some peace of mind.