Entry 15 - Haritha Annam

Situation 1 - @ Work Place
Background:
Imagine you are working in an IT firm. Your Job involves meeting with several customers along with your Boss. Your Boss is a good man and he is very supportive of your role and gives you a lot of space to grow. However he is not very good at receiving negative feedback.
Problem Statement:
In a recent customer interaction you have heard customer’s complain about your Boss’ bad body odour. They were saying that if they have to deal with it again they will consider stopping business. You overheard this conversation and were not given this feedback directly. How will you give this feedback to him such that the situation is corrected?

Answer:

I would tell my my boss the following
Boss, I overheard the customer's complain about someones body odor impacting our business. Not sure about which team member they were discussing . So it would be better we call a team meeting and let everyone in the team know about this and we ourselves should also be careful about this since this might cause our business. We should just discuss about body odor, mouth odor, appropriate dressing, shaving and presenting ourselves neatly to the clients. This will impress our clients and enhance our business. So what do you think about it and when do you what me to schedule a meeting.
Organizers Feedback: This solution solves 2 things one you convey the message and you also convey you overheard a conversation. This is a good CYA strategy (Cover Your Ass). And your boss will then have to take it to himself to not only check his BA but the team's presense also.

Situation 2 - @ Home

Background:
You live in the same city as your in-laws and have recently bought a new home. This is your dream home and you have spent a little more than what you had planned to because this is a one-time investment and a few more thousands every month in mortgage was ok for this home. Now that the house is ready you have to consult your In-Laws (DH’s parents) for the house warming ceremony. Your in-laws are nice people and your relationship with them is cordial. (there are some grouses but that’s normal and nothing major).

Problem Statement:
At a dinner table your in-laws clarify that they want a GRAND house warming with all relatives – gifts and clothes in order. They have stated clearly that it has been a long time since they called any of their kith and kin and this is an opportune moment. You are totally shocked and upset because you want a simple home ceremony and want to minimize the cost of this event since you went overboard buying the house.

When you talk to you DH his comment is “Talk to them and convince if you can. I am ok either ways it will mean another personal loan but I would rather have a happy after math. Whatever you do I don’t want a fight in the family and want a happy situation so I leave it to you. Either adjust or convince. I will be neutral.”

What will you do – Agree to them or convince them and how?
Answer:

I would talk to my attaiah about this
Attaiah, you know that your son has taken lots of loan for the house and monthly installments is big and its becoming a big burden for us. In this situation we don't think we can afford an expensive gruhapravesam. We were thinking something like a small ceremony because we will have to take one more loan for big cermony. I am not sure how you feel about this. But if you still think we need to have grand ceremony, we will understand and plan accordingly.
Organizers Feedback: The solution is good. However when you agree to their demands its impportant that you tell them about the financial burden. Explain your pain so that they understand their son's catch 22 situation.

Situation 3 - @Work Place

Background:
Imagine you are a manager with 2 people reporting to you. Both of them have their unique strengths and need to work together to get the required result for you and the department. There are no other people with similar skills in your organization.

Problem Statement:
These two people could set a meeting to fire with their spats. They DO NOT get along well at all and a majority of you time is getting wasted addressing their interpersonal issues. Initially you thought these are small personality differences, but now its impacting your deliverables and putting your department in RED. You have to find a solution to this and ensure the tasks are completed on time. At the same time remember that it is not easy to find a replacement so it’s important to make them both feel important.

How will you solve this situation?

Answer:

I would invite both of them to my office and tell them
See both you guys are very important to the team and its very important that you guys get along and keep the project moving. I can noway have your personal differences affect the deliverables. If you guys have some problems come over to me and we can have it solved. I would not want you guys to talk directly. I want to be copied in all the email communication between you two. If you guys disagree with the other person and need to convey a message you should come to me. I will review the situation and convey the message if required. This is effective immediately.
Organizers Feedback: The solution is not pratical because you must not and cannot stop 2 people from communication with each other. It will only make their relationship bitter. Also you are makign yourself a bottleneck for their success - will backfire if you need to be absent at work.

Situation 4 - @Friend Circle

Background:
You and X are very good friends. Our husbands are colelagues and You got married at the same time and met as their wives. You have become good friends over these years. Your children are both 3 months apart and are 4 years old. You are really family friends and have known each other for the past 5-6 years now. You both have 1 boy each. The children play and study together.

Problem Statement:
Of late you have observed that X criticizes your son whenever you and she are alone with the kids. When your DHs are around she is very sweet and is complementing him but when you are alone and the kids are playing she is spitting a list of negatives about your child (when he is around). Initially you didn’t mind it since you consider her a foster mom. But you have started seeing you child becoming reserved and losing his spark in her presence.

Your DH has told you – “This is a matter between the women. I cannot fight with X’s husband for it. It will be silly. So find a way to discuss with her and solve it.”

PS: As a family you people are very close and cannot avoid X. You don’t want to break your friendship. But you have to correct this situation. How will you solve this situation?

Answer:

I would talk to X about this openly when we are alone
See X, I know you love my son a lot and pass those negative comments thinking it will benefit him. But the thing is its being having a reverse effect on my kid and he has started feeling low about himself. So please try not put your opinions about him in front of him. I know that your like his foster mom and things you say mean for his benefit, so let me know the things. I will consider your comments and advices and make necessary changes if required. I would really appreciate if you dont make any negative in front of kids. Lets be positive and encourage what they do. It would make them feel appreciated and they will have fun.
Organizers Feedback: The Explanation to X is good and by far the most mature answer. However another half is missing - what will you do with your child. He needs to taught resilience and needs to be strong. That's an important part too.

Situation 5 - @A Party (Social Circle)

Background:
You are at a party with some common friends. One particular lady is envious of your dress and has made it obvious that you are looking unexpectedly pretty. You are secretly happy because this is your precious find and your love your dress (it’s a SALWAR SUIT) with all the heavy work.

Problem Statement:
As a part of the party dinner this lady accidentally spills SAMBAR on your dress. She apologizes profusely but you feel it was intentional. When you look around you don’t find another lady with your height and weight so chances of a dress change are remote. Your house is 2 hrs drive away.

How will you live through the party? How will you fix this jealous lady for this embarrassment caused to you?

Answer:

I will immediately wipe the sambar of with a n wet tissue so that it doesnt leave a mark. I would really get upset and ask my husband if we can leave since I wont be able to be social after that. If my hubby and kids are having fun, I would adjust in the party with the same dress for a while like 1 hr not more than that.
I will politely tell my friend that I am going to send her the bill for dry cleaning (hopefully the stain should be removed)
Organizers Feedback: It might not be possible to give the person a dry cleaning bill because you think she dropped sambar. What if it was really accidental. Our preceptions are not always true.